Life was good. I had a home, a nice vehicle, a better than average paying job and lots of great family & friends. Basically, I had all the things that one would expect of a college grad on track for success. Unfortunately, on the inside, I felt like a big fake who was just going through the motions and couldn’t make heads or tails of the crazy.
I did what was expected. Just like everyone else I knew, I paid my mortgage and car note, kept a closet full of clothes with unpopped tags, and took regularly scheduled vacations to resort locations. Essentially, I was a cookie cutter reflection of what I had aspired to be.
Still, I was unfulfilled.
I kept hearing people say things like “take time to smell the roses”, and “be grateful for what you have”, but who had time for that? I was working sixty plus hours a week, doing service projects with my beloved sorority in my spare time and feigning happiness full-time. I barely had time to even notice the seasons changing let alone value and experience gratitude.
This may have come across as whining, like the poor little lost girl who has so much, but can’t do anything except cry about the lack in her life. Well, on the surface, that is true. But even if I did have more than I needed on a material level, it wass also true that I was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt.
How was I supposed to be able to enjoy life’s wonders, appreciate every second of my day, and live like there was a scent of rose blossoms in my nostrils? When all I could smell was my own fear.
I wanted to be a better person, be more of service to others. I wanted to be bold and daring enough to walk away from creature comforts and shimmy across the slack rope of life’s uncertainty just to get a chance at knowing a different way of being. But I was paralyzed by fear and the shame of being thought of as a failure.
I was at a crossroads and the decision had to be made. Wither I was going to The best thing I could do for myself was exactly what I did. I let go of the things that no longer served me well or represented who I was as a person. If I wanted to be other than I was, I would have to recognize it and do a different thing.
There were so many beautiful flowers in life’s garden and I wanted to enjoy as many of them as I could. So, I put it all up for sale, sold all my belongings of so-called value and proceeded to ramble…
With inside-out transformation and new way of being in tow, all that was needed was to remember to keep smelling the roses, and appreciating each new adventure travel would be bringing my way.